This week is going to be hellacious for me. I'm backing up our Master Scheduler at work (Sounds like a big deal? It is. Especially if I mess up.)

I'm also getting ready to move tomorrow. Yep, I have this week and this week only, Tuesday - Friday, to move. Tuesday - Friday nights, I should say.

Lucky for me, I have 2 brothers who live within earshot of my current apartment--well, if I screamed at the top of my new-and-improved lungs--who have volunteered to help. I also have a wonderful, sexy boyfriend who would be insulted if I didn't let him do all of the really heavy lifting. Then today, I got a call from a co-worker who is hooking me up with boxes for the move, who volunteered his trailer. I mean, damn! That's really nice. I'm guessing by "trailer", he means something U-haulish. I hope so anyway. Sometimes it pays to work in Manufacturing.

In the midst of creating my Enormously Important Master Schedule today, I got an email from my Mom, announcing that my other brother (who does not live within earshot, but does live in New Orleans) will be interviewed on TV tonight. So I got all excited and group-emailed my immediate co-workers and my not-too-distant cousin co-workers, and told them to tune in. Little did I know that my mom had not checked her facts, or maybe things got rescheduled.

I called my Austin brothers right after work and went grocery shopping (Vegetarian-themed office birthday party tomorrow--the cheapest tasty thing I could think of was marinated mushrooms), raced over to my boyfriend's house, threw the grocery bags into the fridge, kicked off my crampy black dress shoes and stifling work clothes, threw on shorts and a ratty t-shirt, and sped off to Geoff and Johns' place (5-10 min away.) I don't know anyone else within a 10-mile radius who has cable TV.

I got there just at 7pm when the Paula Zahn show was coming on, and sat through 35 minutes of Katrina-Rita Newsfest 2005, only to discover that my bro was not part of the show. I stopped the VCR and hurried back to my boyfriend's place, miffed. Just as I pull up to the last stoplight my cellphone rings. It's my Mom. Wrong time, wrong show. I was at once angry and deflated. Keep in mind that I started work at 5:45 this morning, so I had been going non-stop for approximately 14 hours at this point.

I asked her to tape it, and she said she didn't remember how (since the last thing we taped was in the 1980's), so I let out a Napoleon Dynamite-style sigh and ended the conversation flatly. I so wanted to give up. Once inside, though, with a few slices of lunch meat and cheese in me, I felt guilty. "What if no one else tapes it?" I thought, "Does my not feeling like making the effort to see Brian's interview make me a lousy sister?"

10 minutes to spare until 8pm when Brian was supposed to go on, I hopped in the car for the third time in two hours, and went back to Geoff and Johns'. Larry King Live was coming on. Not Brian's interview. My mom calls--he's not going on until 9:30pm now.

So, fuck it. I am just going to wait it out. I've invested too much effort to give up now.

What does all this have to do with smoking? Uh, nothing. I just felt the need to rant. But hey, I'm not smoking, and if I am now capable of forgetting about it, even in my moments of road rage, phone rage, TV rage... more power to me. Ha ha ha, Master Schedule indeed, ha ha...



That Marinated Mushroom recipe, it's really good:

Marinated Mushrooms with Scallions and Tarragon

You have to see Napoleon Dynamite, too.

Napoleon Dynamite

Underlying my other, certainly valid reasons to quit smoking, is the desire to really beat something, to consistently make better decisions about the way I live my life. I've got a long way to go in other areas, but quitting smoking is a pass-fail test. As long as I don't smoke, I pass.




Other things areas where I could stand to improve:

over-eating, over-spending, over-drinking (alcohol)
apologizing less
keeping better (more complete) records
taking care of my health (i.e. I need a trip to the dentist's)
exercising more regularly (I tend to exercise intensely for a few weeks or months, then hit a plateau or obstacle, and stop)
having more all-around discipline
to mine own self being true (probably the product of having more all-around discipline.)

Cool site to check out regarding self-improvement projects such as those listed above:

http://www.43things.com

While at first glance, these goals might seem selfish or at least self-centered, they all point toward a better use of my life (time, money, etc.), which at the very least should make me a better example for others, since we are all examples for one another. I hope that self-improvement will eventually give flight to more-than-self improvement. What will I do when I'm not apologizing, over-eating, over-drinking, over-spending, and wasting time? Sometimes I indulge in these bad habits just because I don't know what else to do--or doing something else seems difficult or threatening somehow.

I'm finding myself at a crossroads, suddenly having to move from one apartment to another, while faced with three very busy weeks ahead at work. In this crossroads, in this calm before the storm, I find myself reflecting on life and how I can live it better.

So I've got to stay unencumbered by cigarettes and smoking. I've risen above it and I've got to stay there. As I told myself when I first got into running, this is training. This is training to become a better, stronger person, someone who is more alive. Someone who sucks the marrow out of life, as the saying goes.

I'm going to have to go through pain, I'm going to have to work and stretch, I'm going to have to keep pushing my way up that mountain--and remember that neither joy nor pain ever really goes away.

I wish you the best in your quit. It is a spiritually meaningful undertaking.

Since I quit smoking, I've been meaning to clean my car. Usually the thought occurs to me at 7:25 AM when I am getting ready to go to work, sitting behind my dirty dashboard, still covered in cigarette ashes and dust. My car doesn't smell too new, either.

Yesterday I got over to my boyfriend's apartment, and he was vacuuming his Toyota Matrix. He had already washed the exterior at a pay carwash. I got in and helped wipe down the dash, doors, stereo, cup holders, etc. with Armor All Wipes. It looks pretty new and sleek now that we have it clean.

This morning it is raining, so I opted to save the vacuum and exterior wash for later, but my boyfriend and I did get into my car and do the windows and all the non-carpet surfaces with Windex and Armor All. He also gave me one of those maple leaf-shaped air fresheners. My little Honda is on its way to being a non-smoking vehicle.

Earlier this year, the city of Austin voted to enact a smoking ban ordinance, starting September 1st. That ordinance should now be in effect, pretty much banning smoking everywhere indoors in Austin, and in some cases, banning smoking outside. At the time of the vote, I thought the ordinance was silly, but now I'm glad they voted for it, since it will discourage me and others from smoking. Maybe banning smoking in my car will help, too.

This past week, I made it through my first non-smoking road trip on this quit. Honestly, the drive seemed shorter without all the smoke breaks. My only disappointment was finding out that after 12+ hours in a car, I get a sore throat whether I smoke or not--it's the A/C or heat that does it to me. Of course, smoking would have exascerbated the sore throat, and hidden the fact that there were other causes.

As my boyfriend mentioned this morning, we're headed into fall, when smoking is most appealing. He is good at pointing out where the challenges lie ahead, so that I/we can be ready when the urges strike. Warnings notwithstanding, the urge still comes out of nowhere sometimes, and my strategy still is to take deep breaths and remind myself that the urge will pass within a few minutes, and I'll be stronger for having resisted it.

Best of success to you all in your endeavors to quit smoking and stay quit. :)

Greetings from Pike Road, Alabama. Today is day three of a nine day vacation, and it is so nice to be here at my parents' place on a perfect-weather Labor Day. The weather could not possibly be more beautiful. The sun is shining and the breeze feels like velvet. The air is so clean. It's great to be here and not smoking.

This marks my first smoke-free road trip on this quit. I've taken many road trips before, and measured most of them with cigarettes. I got into the habit of smoking one cigarette an hour, to keep from smoking so much that I arrived at my destination with a sore throat. One smoke per hour got to be a real rhythm that I enjoyed, and I would incorporate other hourly activities, too, to keep from getting bored--chewing gum, listening to music, eating, drinking, singing, whatever I could think of.

So the idea of going on a road trip sans cigarettes was a bit daunting. But the 13-hour first leg of this trip went smoothly. It seemed shorter than the last time I made this trip, whenever that was (a couple of years ago, I think.) And I don't have a sore throat.

There were a few times on the way when I would catch myself fantasizing about smoking. I would think of people I knew who smoked and looked cool doing it, or the comraderie I would feel smoking, and then have to catch myself and say, "Wait a minute, it also made me miserable, stinky, broke, and an outcast..." Still, I had to actively turn my mind around about it. If I'm on autopilot, I'm vulnerable.

My Mom is glad to see me and my boyfriend not smoking. I don't have to feel guilty when I give her a hug. I don't have to feel bad about flicking butts into the yard, or digging around in cabinets looking for ashtrays or matches. I didn't feel like rushing out of church to light up yesterday. I don't feel rushed at all, which is wonderful.

Well, the breeze is calling to me. I'm going to take a walk in this beautiful weather.

Here's wishing you a smoke-free day, whether it's a happy one or it's all you can do not to smoke.

More quit links:

http://quitsmoking.about.com/od/tipsforquitting/a/johnryan.htm

A good article about the socially-ingrained psychological aspects of quitting smoking and the tricks your mind will play.

http://quitsmoking.about.com/cs/oneyearsmokefree/a/larrysoneyear.htm

Larry's story (and several stories from folks who have successfully quit for more than one year.)