Life is good. I'm typing by candlelight tonight. I almost never hang out in the dark, especially if I am alone. So when I do, it feels like a special occasion.

I have only roasted a chicken twice thus far in my life: several years ago, when I over-basted the chicken with butter, to the extent that the butter washed off the salt and spices, producing a tasteless white glob, and tonight, when my chicken turned out quite tasty. Geoff, Rob and Bruce made it over for dinner. It was a good time, mellow and fun as always.

It's been a good weekend. After having a pretty lousy week, especially where diet and exercise were concerned, I did workout on Friday, Saturday and Sunday (today.) I started out pretty well on the diet, but have "drifted" for the past day and a half. Still, I'm doing better than I was before I started.

Smoking just isn't much of an issue for me anymore. I just don't do it. I refuse to go back. Life is good without it.

Plus, I've started taking better care of my teeth. I finally went back to a dentist, for the first time in four years. They remarked that my mouth had held up surprisingly well, in spite of the dental neglect. I mean, I have always brushed and flossed regularly, only missing a day or two here and there, but no one can really get away with not going to a dentist once in a while.

The other day, I was digging through my wallet for receipts and stamps and such, and I happened upon my original reasons for quitting smoking, from a previous quit. They are still very true and valid reasons for me to quit:

"My Reasons for Stopping

1. It's way too expensive. I spend over $100/month on it.

2. It's too time-consuming. I waste almost 2 hours/day on it.

3. Smells bad, tastes bad, not sexy.

4. I don't want to be weak-willed. I want to defeat this.

5. I don't want to be smoking when I get pregnant."

Tomorrow marks 8 months since the day I quit smoking. I'm so happy that I did it. I can't say that I'm never, ever tempted anymore, because I am tempted now and then, but the temptation has gone from a smoldering, irrisistible vixen to a has-been, hacking, nasty old whore.

Last night I went to a Special-Olympics themed party, which was so much fun. We got sauced and had several Olympic events. About 2/3 of the guests were smokers. It was a little chilly out. (Austin--just not that cold very often.) I felt a little bad for them, having to sit out in the cold most of the night, but everyone had a great time tardin' it up, playing games, and laughing.

Lately I've been kinda down; lethargic and depressed and maybe overly stressed out about work. I had a job interview on Wednesday, which did not go well at all. Thursday I felt terribly depressed. I even started crying a few times in the bathroom at work.

Then Friday I started to feel better, like a weight was slowly lifting. Saturday I felt okay in the morning, then went to Target to stock up on some necessities. I went to the fitting rooms to try on a couple of pairs of pants, and got a real shock when I looked in the "rear view" full length mirror. I look terrible! I have gained about 35 pounds since July, and a lot of it was hiding back there. My skin's not looking too great, either.

Strangely, this did not make me feel bad at all. I just snapped to the conclusion that I would have to start working out and carefully watching my diet again. I actually felt better, empowered that I was not going to give up and starting to buy larger sizes of clothes.

So I think I'm going to start a new blog, entitled "Get in shape for the long haul". It's on, baby, it's on!

Something about that experience, looking in that rearview mirror, really ignited some mental dynamite. I started thinking about how I've had this defeatist attitude about work and life lately, and that's just bullshit. I'm going to put a sign on my refridgerator that reads:

"If you're feeling sorry for yourself, you need to change the way you're thinking and doing things!"

I may or may not retire this particular blog. I intend to keep at it at least until the one year mark.

So far, 2006 has been a headache for me. Literally, but not figuratively. I've been visiting with my parents in their lovely new home in Montgomery, Alabama, and everything but the headache has been delightful.

My dad picked me up from the airport. The Montgomery is pretty tiny; they just renovated the 5-gate airport to include a 2nd story, so that they can have real jetways instead of having passengers exit down those tiny stairs on the prop engine planes, braving the elements to cross the tarmac, saddled with carry-ons. Oh, the joys of flying.

My dad was impatiently waiting for me just outside the security perimeter, and just as I saw his face, he didn't see mine and turned to walk outside. I guessed correctly that he was going outside to light up a cigarette. I followed him outside and greeted him warmly, and I think he probably was a little embarrassed to be caught smoking. The last time I saw him, and even the time before that, he was smoke-free. I felt sorry for him.

I'm relieved not to be smoking anymore, and I am especially reminded when I go somewhere that I would be ashamed to smoke, like my parents' house. It also makes air travel considerably less stressful.

My hope for 2006 is that one of my family will quit and stay off... one of my three brothers or my dad. Hey, if more than one quits, even better. All I can do is set an example, and subtly encourage them to quit.